You’re feeling on top of the world. Ecstatic in the knowledge that your anomaly scan showed a healthy baby. Ok so you’re slightly concerned that the foetus was showing signs of your notorious family ‘chin’ but what the hell the baby is healthy! You immediately ring family and friends to inform them of the great news, assuming that they will share the same giddy excitement that you do.

Then you are faced with it.

Another girl? Oh never mind! Do you think you will try again?’

Erm, excuse me? Nevermind? Your response to my news that we are expecting a healthy baby is NEVERMIND?!

Equally as annoying are the comments with the undertone of making the best of it. For example:

‘Oh well at least you won’t have to buy any new clothes…’ (these comments are particularly misguided; like I’m going to miss out on the opportunity to buy some newborn baby clothes…?!)

Third baby, same gender

It’s funny; when you’re pregnant with your first and people ask you if you know the gender, the delivery of the news is usually met with a delighted; ‘awwww’ or maybe; ‘I bet you’re excited’ or even; ‘I’d have always loved a little boy/girl’ (delete as appropriate).

Second time around however, delivering the news that you are expecting a child of the same gender as your first…. well, the comments are slightly different. Your news isn’t quite so exciting now, after all, you’ve already got one of those haven’t you?

Well just try informing people that baby number three was yes, another girl. Another girl to add to the two girls I already had. I could count the positive reactions on one hand. I mean of course, there were very few people who were openly rude (bar a pretty awkward experience with a family friend who literally screwed her face up in disgust and has now suffered the ultimate punishment of a facebook ‘defriending’ – yeah that will show her). No its more the way that people react to the news. Or indeed the way that they don’t.

The perfect family?

You see, it turns out that there is a large section of society who deem the perfect family to contain an even gender balance or, to quote the term broadly used; ‘one of each’. So what then about those who have two siblings of the same sex? And woe be tide you if you are unfortunate enough to have THREE of the same like me right? I mean, talk about surplus to requirements. (And don’t even get me started on those families who have 4, 5 or more children of the same sex; clearly these children are only in existence due to vain attempts to produce the opposite gender… right?)

It does nark me off a tad though I’ll be honest. I mean, does this mean that my family unit is somehow inferior? Imperfect? Purely because I don’t have a pink one and a blue one (ok, ok I hear you gender neutral police, but you get the point I’m making here). Why is it that announcing you are expecting a same sex sibling is not met with the same joyous reaction as announcing that you are expecting a child of the opposite sex to the one you already have?

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Defined by gender?

Believe it or not (and Im guessing not for all those people who regularly inform me that all my girls look exactly the same and have I just pressed a reset button?) all my children are completely different. Whilst the eldest owns every single Disney princess item that was ever made (obviously this is an exaggeration, I’ve stopped short of buying her the Lego Disney castle available on Amazon for a £350- I know) and wouldn’t be seen dead in anything but a dress, number 2 is completely different. My second daughter hates dressing up (much to the eldest’s dismay) and would much rather bake a cake. Or draw a cake. Or watch YouTube videos of people making cakes (you’re probably sensing a theme here).

And as for the baby; well she’s still a baby so who knows. All I do know is that out of the three of them she’s been the hardest work. By far. From morning to night she’s on the go. Things I hadn’t even thought to worry about with the other two have now become things. The cat food has to be moved, tv’s have to be guarded and don’t even get me started on electrical wires.

All totally different

Anyway you get the point I’m making. They are different, not because they are different genders but because they are different people. Different humans with different personalities. Likes and dislikes unique to them as people, irrespective of whether they are boys or girls.

So when people ask me (as they regularly do) whether I am disappointed that I didn’t have a boy, I can tell them honestly that no I am not. How could I be? Yes it would be nice to have a boy one (I’ve seen some pretty cute baby boy clothes in Boden after all) but to me, my girls are pretty awesome. And if the fact that I don’t have a son means that we are not the vision of a ‘perfect family’ then so be it, but I can say for sure my family is all I’ve ever dreamed of and to me, that feels pretty perfect.**

Has anyone else been subject to these kind of comments about having more than one child of the same sex?

Kayleigh x

*this obviously does not include leaving the house – this is the point my family feels more feral than perfect and I’m ready to swap my children for a family of cats (outdoor ones though obvs, I ain’t cleaning no litter trays…)

** this post may need to be revisited again in the teenage years, where my opinion on having three girls may well have changed…! 

My Random Musings
Pink Pear Bear
JakiJellz
Bringing up Georgia
Mum Muddling Through
Hot Pink Wellingtons
Mission Mindfulness

44 Replies to “Same Sex Siblings: Does This Mean My Family Isn’t Perfect?

  1. I enjoyed this but particularly the bit about outdoor cats…. casting my memory back to your indoor cats🤣🤣A time when I didn’t know that you could have such cats. Oh… and that time when Michael also got indoor cats and they meowed all night when I was hungover n we had a presentation the next day (the one where Michael got a dry mouth mid sentence🤣🙈) xx

  2. Fortunately to those around me, nobody said anything rude like that about having another girl because if they did, well they will know I am pissed. LOL. But in all seriousness, my babies are my babies and they are perfect the way they are (same sex or not) and anybody else’s opinion is not important. 😊

  3. No matter what your family is like, someone will find something to make a negative comment about … When it really isn’t any of their business!

  4. I just had my 3rd last week, I already have a boy and a girl. I was surprised at all the dismissive comments along the lines of “do you know what you are having… I guess it doesn’t really matter you already have one of each already….” I think sometimes people just speak without thinking… #AnythingGoes

  5. Love this! We’ve got two girls (my daughter and stepdaughter) and although I don’t plan on another one I can imagine how much worse the comments would be if daddy could only produce girls – who cares? Our girls are amazing, empower them!

  6. I am one of three girls and I loved growing up with my sisters most of the time we were like best friends! I now have a son and a daughter and a third on the way we are yet to find out whether we are having a boy or a girl, but I got similar comments ‘oh another one’. ‘What are you hoping for’. Honestly I really don’t mind whether I have a boy or a girl as long as they are healthy. #itsok

    1. Aw that’s so lovely to hear you were all great friends, I hoping that will be what my girls are like! 😊

  7. I guess people can’t help but impose their ‘ideals’ on to others. You’ve got the perfect family regardless of gender, happy loved kids is all a family is about. #itsok

  8. I hear you loud and clear as the mother of 3 boys, now all in adult hood. are one of each, the perfect family, grates me when I hear people saying that. my husband has one of each, sadly one of his children was born proudly disabled and was in a care home from the age of 12. When i had my 3rd boy a family member said oh dear never mind, you could always try again. My suggestion was to put the 3rd child up for adoption and abort any further babies on the ground of their sex. Obviously this was not something I would have done, but it did shut them up once and for all, harsh but constantly hearing, oh dear, another boy, wouldn’t like a girl, nearly caused a fight. 3 boys looking back was a doddle, that or I’ve forgotten the pain and the heartache and the fights and the mess. #triumphanttales

  9. As far as I’m concerned there’s no such thing as perfect but when it comes to gender I think that most people are living in the dark ages. You are blessed with three beautiful children and that’s all that really matters in my book! 😀 Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub

  10. This is so annoying of people… I had two boys and then got pregnant with twins. The whole way through the pregnancy people wished for me that it wasn’t more boys or that I would at least get one girl. I knew the risks of twins I just wanted them both to make it. They did and they are girls so now everyone tells me ‘that’s great you got your girls’ It is lovely to have both boys and girls, but honestly that was not the reason we had more children or a result that I wished for. Sometimes people just need to shut up!! #coolmumclub

  11. As a Mum of two girls (three if you include the baby we lost), I know exactly what you mean. I was pretty horrified after our traumatic experience of losing a baby, a ‘friend’ commented that we must be pretty gutted to find out the subsequent pregnancy wasn’t a boy. Some people?!?!!!
    Your three girls are abso gorgeous. I wa saying to someone the other day, that I actually love the idea of having a whole gaggle of girls – I wouldn’t have a clue what to do with a boy!
    Thanks so much for linking up to #coolmumclub

    1. Omg how rude! Some people really just get how rude they are being do they?! I must admit I love having girls. I was so excited to find out our third was a girl- how left out would a boy have been anyway?! 😂 x

  12. Love this post – when I was pregnant with my 3rd I fully expected to have another girl and I would of been more than happy with that. To my surprise I had a boy and I’m happy with that! When I was pregnant people would always say oh bet you want a boy – and nobody believed me when I said I didn’t mind!! It’s funny isn’t it! #coolmumclub

  13. Love your post. I do have one of each, but hate it when people suggest it’s the ‘perfect family’ or that we ‘don’t need another child now’. They are who they are not because of their gender and it’s offensive to suggest any combination of boy/girl is better than another. #coolmumclub

  14. My parents had three girls and I don’t think ‘back in the day’ it was so heavily judged. I’m pregnant with my second, who also happens to be another boy, and the excitement levels from some friends and family are just non-existent. I just eye roll and move on, but I do find it very upsetting. Facebook unfriending is the ultimate metaphorical bit*h slap, I’m sure she’s gutted. 😉 #coolmumclub

  15. Well I think that they are completely adorable. Children are all different as you say, and that is what should be celebrated. Great post, thank you for writing. x

  16. Well I think that they are completely adorable. Children are all different as you say, and that is what should be celebrated. People really do need to engage brain before opening big mouth! Great post, thank you for writing. x

  17. All families are perfect, no matter what the gender of children. Some people are so rude, these stupid “opinions” should not be listened to.
    #TriumphantTales

  18. Oh I’m so sad to hear of the not so positive reactions you’ve had! Luckily we’ve not had any comments like this with our girls but I’m just cannot believe how judgemental and rude people can be. You and your girls are absolutely gorgeous and like you said, whether boy or girl they’re all their own person. Thanks for sharing with #bigpinklink x

  19. Oh, it does annoy me. I only have the one so have never experienced this, however, I regularly get asked when I’m having another or why am I not having another and it all falls into the same bracket that it’s just nobody else’s business! It’s so frustrating! Thank you for sharing this with #TriumphantTales, I hope you can join me again on Tuesday 🙂

  20. It’s crazy isn’t it?! Healthy babies are what is important and not their gender. And why do people think this ‘1 of each’ idea is the best for families anyway! My friend has 4 girls and they get on so well it’s a joy to see. And like you say temperaments and personalities are so different anyway regardless of gender. #thesatsesh

  21. I have 2 girls and I couldn’t be happier. I wanted my eldest daughter to have a sister, as this was something that I longed for as a child. My family definitely feels complete. Yes, I do often wonder what the love of a son would be like, is it different? Yes, I’ve had comments about wanting a boy, trying for a boy, which I find surprising and something I would never think to ask someone. Thank you for joining us at #SharingTheBlogLove

  22. I’m a mum to 2 boys and I love them! I guess I’m lucky that I never had many negative comments, but I’m sure if we were to have a third (which we won’t!) that they would be coming. I find it amazing that people can be insensitive enough to make these kind of comments – what business is it of anyone else’s? Apart from the obvious things like not being to buy lots of lovely liberty print dresses, I’m not sure that being a mum to boys is that different to girls. I have had comments about not being as close to boys once they grow up, but I think that comes down to your own relationship with them, nothing to do with gender. Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

  23. We didn’t find out the sex of any of our three but after having a girl first people assumed I ‘must’ want a boy second time around, then with number three if I had £1 for every time someone said ‘well it doesn’t matter what this one is’ because I already had one of each! #coolmumclub

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